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Look out, demonic hordes! Your native space marine is back on Mars and he is obtained the ultimate weapon : The big F**kin' Spatula 9000! Equipped with an electrified flat and dual shotgun nozzles, this gun has a reloading time of .3 seconds; quicker than another scatter gun, WITH automatic loading! Additional features embody a change to change it from single shot to 'Street Sweeper' mode and non-obligatory grenade launcher. Buy one and go splatter some unearthly disguise! Price : $299.Ninety nine and a weapons permit. THE Traffic SMASHIN' SPATULA Designer : Mike Finn Recent innovations in Spatula technology have led to the development of the Traffic Smashin' Spatula. This new and improved titanium coated Spatula mounts to the front of your automotive with our own special swing motors to guarantee that the subsequent automobile pancake you end up caught behind will be the last.... Hurry and order yours now for the special low price of $1999.99, and for a limited time installation is free. As usuall all our Spatulas are assured not to rust, bust, break down, or fuss. (Note: Special mounts obtainable upon request on your customized automobile.) THE USS SPATULA Designer : Twoflower Space... the final fronteir. Who's gonna cater it? You are, in your brand new warp-succesful USS Spatula. Complete with staffed galley and straightforward Dock-Thru window, you possibly can offer any variety of foodstuffs to the hungry patrons of all galaxies. Replicators make ingredient buying easier; one battery can produce SO many things! Comes with onboard pc, the HAL9000, to navigate and disconnect life help on chefs who threaten to unionize. Special Price : $999,999.95. (%10 off!) Mom'S SPATULA Designer : Pardo The ol' standby spatula: square flat steel head riveted to a flat metal handle, with a two-half painted wood insulating grip. People from the Vermont Old Furniture botiques buy these by the truckload to add an authentic contact. Matches completely with period items like cast-iron frypans, hank-crank grain mills, and wood-burning blenders. Made in America with previous-fasioned high quality building and genuine fashionable materials: heavy-obligation brushed aerospace-grade stainless steel and non-lead non-toxic UL-authorised paint on specially-dried authentic rustic New England pine. Price: $17.89 LE' CREPE SPATULETTE Designer : Pardo For delicate French crepe dishes, additional-delicate sauted mushrooms in wine and mustard, and fluffy flamboyant omlettes that want a particular touch to get them out of the pan. This diminutive and razor-skinny spatula is utilized by high quality chefs in effective restarauts everywhere in the fantastic world. Amaze your guests with your nice cooking and together with your secret cooking ingredient, the Le' Crepe Spatulette. Diminutive in size and micro-thin, it's however skilled high quality and ruggedness. Made with excessive-power tremendous-spring steel rolled to exacting tolerances with over 500,000 pounds of pressure and now available for home use for the primary time. Each one made to order. Price: $116.95 plus air-drop from France. THE 12GUAGE SPATULA ATTACHMENT Designer : Patrick Amato This high-quality spaluta is great for first time cooks and single individuals in every single place. The design is sort of simple actually; a sawed off 12-gauge shotgun is fastend to the underside of your commonplace Spatula City spatula. This way, if meals will get laborious to handle : BLAST IT. If guests complain concerning the meals: BLAST 'EM. Dog barks to a lot: BLAST IT. Neighbors sick of smoke coming from your house: BLAST 'EM. As you may see, this versitile cooking attachment can support in any cooking situtation. Price : $71.71 for the 12guage spatula attachemnt, $109.9 for the whole indignant mans set. (ginsu knives included) THE SWISS Army SPATULA Designer : Dan "Raisin" Eisenhauer No kitchen would be full with out the all-function, portable Swiss Army Spatula. This ultra-environment friendly mannequin comprises every needed software for pancake preparation and serving, reminiscent of miniature syrup and butter dispensers, a fold-out knife and fork, and of course, the spatula itself. In the case of an emergency pancake dinner, the on-board skillet and propane tank will actually save your bacon. At only $7.99, any Boy Scout can afford that prestigious Pancake Merit Badge. THE VS-1 VALKYRIE SPATULA Designer : Philip Moyer For the pilot amongst us, this spatula is perfect for those occasions if you merely Must deal with 50+ ft robots. The VS-1 is a multi-mission transformable strike spatula that may remodel into three types: Jet Spatula, Gerwalk Spatula, and Battroid Spatula. It carries a GU-SS Spatula gunpod (capable of launching 150 depleted uranium spatulas a second), four ion cannons (to get your food or the enemy a nice toasty brown), and is able to hold over 40,000 pounds of meals missiles on the wing hardpoints. The Battroid Spatula additionally carries a variant of the UKYOU Special that's crafted out of folded titanium, simply excellent for smashing enemy Mecha into the closest asteroid (or the asteroid into the nearest mecha). Price: $30,000,000.99 per unit. (Special bulk value of $15,000,000.99 per unit in case of Zentradei Invasion. Please include proof of invasion with order.) THE SXS STEALTH SPATULA Designer : Matthew Kramer Developed over a 7 yr interval on the International House of Pancakes secret proving grounds at Breakfast Ridge, Nevada, the SXS Stealth Spatula is on the leading edge of food preperation technology. Angular surfaces replicate grease and enemy radar, providing the SXS with an virtually total nonstick performance. The radar cross-section is reported to be less than that of a turkey baster. We decline to speculate on the truthfulness of such an unbelievable asserrtion, nevertheless, as a result of it stays to be seen. THE REALTIME SPATULA Designer : Heather Beguin Upgrade to essentially the most reasonably priced excessive-performance kitchen suite accessible. For the achieved pancake professional, introducing the primary REALTIME spatula. No interruptions in flipping rates caused by thermal recalibration. Uninterupted coordination of predicted failure analysis. Featuring a most sustainable meals trasfer rate of 27MB per secound. Fast seek time, less that 6ms, with immediate random foodstuff entry. Open arcitecture operating system contains true multitasking with full drag and drop capabilites, along with programmable plug-ins for the gormet. Slick graphical consumer interface with 3 button programable, cordless, heat-resistent handle. This spatula is complient with IEEE POSIX 1003.1, UNIX System V R3, X11R5 Window System, Motif Window Manager, Kitchenaid, and makes use of the Secure Socket Layer interface. Price: $14,900 for 30sec capability, upgradable to 60 seconds. ACADEMI-SPATULA MARK II Designer : E. Sean L. Rintel Gone are the times when a spatula is a mere meals-handling/counter-insurgence device! A Spatula to help you in instances of University Trouble - The Academi-Spatula! Just been hit with A Four Hour Advanced Cultural Studies Lecture on the Post-Modernist Aesthetic? Use the Academi-spatula to scape up the remains of your brains plastered to the wall! Thesis due tomorrow and also you just erased the whole Damn Thing? The Academi-spatula is there to remove the unsightly mess that now stains your pants! Just yelled one thing offensive to a Lecturer? With LIGHTNING Speed and UNCANNY GRIPPING Ability the Academi-spatula can truly Remove Those Words FROM THE EARDRUM the instant they hit, but the micro-second Before they start to resonate!!!! Yes, It's TRUE, and it may be YOURS for under $49.95 and a G.I. Joe Lunchbox without the dinky little drink bottle!!!!!! SPATULUS OF BORG Designer : Andrew C. Eppstein / Tim Nolan Pancakes are irrelevant. Burgers are irrelevant. Resistance is futile--you cannot cross up this great deal! Spatulus sports activities a crimson laser on its handle and incorporates in its memory all the recipes of the United Federation of Planets. Warning: Don't place close to different kitchen utensils, as it will assimilate them. Price: Money is irrelevant. JEEVES' SPATULA Designer : Dr. Otto Andersen

(Dropped at you by Dr. Guz) Feeling insecure? Need a repair of one thing, but you are unsure precisely what? Perhaps you crave Jeeves' Spatula. It's nothing to be ashamed of; tons of of people have found themselves bothered with Jeeves' Syndrome. Our particular Jeeves' mannequin spatula provides you deep satisfaction all day lengthy. Bring it to high school or work. Bring it to the picture present, or a baseball game (they really like that). No other spatula on the market can carry peace of mind to poor, nerve-wracked souls similar to your self. Only $19.14, belt clip included. (Note: Jeeves' spatula shouldn't be suitable for kitchen use; keep away from excessive heat.)

(Ed. Note - I like getting preformatted HTML spatulas within the mail. Easier for me to cut and paste. Hint. Hint.) POPEIL'S SPAT-O-MATIC Designer : Marlowe Furan It Slices! It Dices! It even Flips Flapjacks! It's the new, improved SPAT-O-MATIC by Popeil. Developed for the French Foreign Legion, Popeil's SPAT-O-MATIC is a powerful, multitasking kitchen-in-a-spatula. Its unique, switchblade design opens the self cleansing, surgical steel spatula with just one press of the button. Select the detachable KF&S gadget, and you've got a 3 in 1 personal consumptive machine capable of chopping, spearing, and delivering stable and liquid meals to your ready mouth. But there's extra. Engage the extra HAT module(included in this supply), and this little dynamo attaches to the back of your cap for immediately's excessive tech Legionnaire look. And, when its time to say Good Night, this amazing gadget folds up to fit proper into your pocket. You must act now. This provide is for a restricted time only. Price: 19.95 plus S$H (New Jersey residents, add 6% gross sales tax). THE PURPLE MARVEL Designers : Suzi Styrofoam & Miles O'Neal Designed especially for fogeys, the Purple Wonder comes within the shape of a cuddly dinosaur you hold by the tail. Two cute for words, the Purple Wonder will not be a traditional kitchen spatula. It was designed expressly to pry small children away from the Tv set (especially non-Public Broadcasting reveals), but has the additional advantage that its mere presence will usually repel older children, allowing you to motivate them in any direction you want. Price: $24.Ninety nine plus 2.7% of your gross pre-tax put up-trib denturated income per thirty days in voluntary royalties, payable through IRS From 1040-ILUVU. TMI-three FISSION REACTOR/SPATULA Designer : Pete Butler Newly accepted by the Department of Nuclear Energy! Any wimpy spatula can FLIP food -- the TMI-3 helps you cook it, too! Harness the power of the atom and watch burgers go from uncooked to well-completed in a matter of seconds! Makes all different spatulas obsolete -- hell, it even makes your STOVE out of date! Whether your looking to avoid wasting on vitality bills or just looking for the ultimate in "novelty" kitchenware, the TMI-3 is the spatula for you! WARNING: Use of this product may trigger mild baldness and/or sterility. Food ready with this product shouldn't be taken internally. For additional precautions/operational specifications, contact your regional Hazardous Waste Disposal workplace.

REMINDER: Use of the fissionable material on this product for other nuclear gadgets is a federal offense.

Price: $1499.95, consists of set of 12 replacement control rods. THE SKULD SPATULA (with non-obligatory Ido attachment) Designer : HiPaladin Tired of those pesky bugs popping out of the fabric of Space/Time whereas cooking? Try the Skuld Spatula. Featuring an extendable/retractable handle, and particular pc steerage management system, you possibly can hit those pests from 30 meters away with a push of a button. And it also feature a helpful Ice Cream dispenser for these particular occasions when that scorching food off the griddle simply is not sufficient. Not enough drive with the splat? Slap on the Ido Attachment and the Skuld Spatula goes Turbo, with a rocket blast you need to feel to imagine. Price: One Triple Scoop Vanilla Ice Cream Cone (Subject to alter). THE DOLBY Surround SPATULA Designer : Amy Plack The DOLBY Surround SPATULA turns your kitchen Tv into a home entertainment middle! Featuring a Dolby SP-65 Spatula Surround Cinema Processor which sends indicators directly to your cable field as you flip those burgers and pancakes, the DSS will carry you hours of listening pleasure! With the DSS, your children will Want to clean the dishes throughout "The Simpsons", simply to listen to Homer yell, "BART!" that much more clearly! Price: $399.99. (Requires a cable field and some meeting, will not work with All-in-One Remote Controls). SPATULA FOR Windows Designer : Pete Butler It's an all to familiar scene -- you're sitting at your Pc at work, both caught on a difficult downside or bored out of your skull. What do you do? In the outdated days, you'd both need to settle for staring listlessly at the screen or threat getting fired by playing video games. But now, with Spatula for Windows, simply name up the Spatula(tm), point it at an icon, press the button, and . . . flip! The icon will get turned upside-down! Do it once more and . . . flip! It's right-aspect up! Good, clear, non-Doom fun that will keep you entertained for hours with out violating your company's "no-game" coverage! Available NOW from your pals at MicroSoft!

(word -- SfW requires 10.3M RAM to run. Will not be appropriate with all icons. Resulting from unexpected programming delays, SfW can be accessible in Aug. 1995.)

(warning -- All persons utilizing the phrase "Spatula", together with Spatula City, can be expected to pay appropriate royalties. Your co-operation is appreciated. And it isn't like we're threatening or anything, but our lawyers have been getting sort of edgy currently, fidgeting and drooling and stuff, and we sorta suppose they're on the lookout for a possibility to sue the bejesus out of someone just to let off a few of that steam. Just so you recognize.)

If you have received a neat thought for a spatula you'd prefer to see right here, mail it to Spatula City's supervisor. If he accepts the concept, you'll get mail again.

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